Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
