my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
