He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
