My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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