the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
