this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
