I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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