Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Pants are for mortals
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
