Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
