what day is it and did you see me today?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
