I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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