And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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