I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize