Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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