Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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