Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
