u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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