im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
