"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Randomize
