We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
