she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
