He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
