Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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