forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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