Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
