He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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