if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They took my balls.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
not ubering you a puppy
Drunk is not a location!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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