if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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