I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
