Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
