4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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