If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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