I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
