Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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