There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
