My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
