Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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