Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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