my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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