Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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