walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
