My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
