He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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