Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
