Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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