oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
