I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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