Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
