Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
