my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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