I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
