I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
