Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
