OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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