on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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