someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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