Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Randomize
