yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You were trust falling into bushes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
