last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize