On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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