My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
