If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
