I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
