Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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