I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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