can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
