put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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