she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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