So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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