I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
