I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
a search helicopter?!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
