Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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