Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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