I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
